I'm going to be real with you here. I am a feminist. We are one of the most widely misunderstood category of people. Mostly, that is because of some of us who are slightly challenged with grey matter.
First off, I'm going to tell you what my understanding of feminism is. Feminism is the demand for women to be treated equally as men. FYI, there are male feminists as well. A feminist is not a female by default. We, feminists, understand that women aren't superior to men, and in return for that understanding, we want people to see that there is no valid reason to believe why men are superior to women. We don't believe men suck. Men don't suck. Some people suck (including women). Some men are pretty damn awesome.
So why are we misunderstood? Because of stupid feminists. Feminists that bring up body image issues only of women. Feminists that bring out sexism that only women face. Do you honestly believe that men aren't subjected to sexism? That men do not have body image issues? Or that the media doesn't portray an unrealistic image of 'the ideal man'?
When a stupid feminist says that 'Real women have curves', he/she means that real women are on the chubbier side or are just plain fat. Excuse me? If you're a woman and you are saying this, ask yourself would you be willing to date a chubby/overweight guy? Are you honestly attracted to flab? If the answer is yes, well then I suggest we all learn from you how to have an open mind and approach to dating. If you are honest enough to be willing to admit that the answer is no, stop propagating that 'real men' like 'real women' (read - fat women). What 'curvy' means and what stupid feminists say that 'curvy' should mean are miles apart. You need a reality check sister.
(the meme isn't mine, it's from tumblr)
On the other hand, if you're a male feminist and you say that all men must be open to finding chubby/overweight girls attractive, you're either overweight yourself or are just simply amazing. To have such a mature and open outlook on women? Wow bro, you should try to enlarge the circle of your influence.
When stupid feminists say that women are subject to sexism everyday, please tell them that men are too. If a man says he wants to stay at home and take care of the kids, he becomes effeminate. If a man says he wants to pursue ballet, or bharatnatyam, he becomes a 'homo'. If a guy wears pink, he gets eyed at. Media shows men with bulging biceps, rock hard pecks, and dashboard abs, and these very women who claim to be feminists, drool at these 'ideal men'. We want our men to have abs, but we want them to be attracted to flab. Nice. We want men to be career driven, to earn lots of money. Isn't that sexism?!
What I'm trying to say is that feminists don't hate men. The concept of 'ghar jamai' is laughed at. It shouldn't be. If being a 'bahu' in the stereotypical way is valid, then so is being a ghar jamai. It is not 'gay' to want to look after kids, or to have an affinity for the colour pink. Neither is it wrong to be gay. However, that is a whole other issue.
Feminists stand for women and see things from the point of view of women. Concepts like 'equal pay for equal work' were made by feminists. Nowadays, some women want careers instead of babies. Does that make her cold? Does that make her heartless? To not be able to feel that motherly love or instinct when she sees an infant? To not want to be a homemaker? What the hell is that anyway. Home maker. Women want to excel in their work fields. Is that so bad. I'm not saying it's wrong to want to be a house wife. I'm saying it's not wrong to want to be a house husband either.
So guys please, think about what feminism is, before you classify us as a group of angry women who are always on their period and therefore hate men, because honestly, we don't. We don't have the time. We're too busy trying to make something of ourselves in a world where that is somehow funny (that was for my fellow female feminists).
Very well phrased article. I like how you conveyed your thoughts in this manner. You brought out the happenings in today's world, yet you maintained your flow.
ReplyDeleteYou're going to soon be a very famous writer. You have a lot of talent.
Congrats on your work. Hope to see more from you, in the days to come.
Cheers.
Very nicely written. A must read :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know from where to begin. Sorry but have you read anything about feminism? Because from what I understood from your post is that you are openly fat-shaming women, think men are subject to sexism (lol) and basically you're not really sure about what point you want to drive across.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, pls stop fat shaming. It's gross and you're a terrible human being. The way a woman looks or carries herself is not to please men. By fat-shaming you're actually promoting that women should conform to the ideals set by men. Also, body image is a part of feminism. "Real women have curves" is a myth propagated by the media and guess what the media is largely run by men.
And that image! My dear child, open your eyes and read that caption. "MEN NATURALLY PREFER MORE CURVY WOMEN." It is about what MEN prefer. You keep driving the point across of what men want. Who the fuck cares about what men want? You are a woman, it should be
about what you want.
Secondly, "stupid feminists"? Umm, you're actively shitting on the experiences of other women. Are you sure you're a feminist because this looks like a case of internalised misogyny to me. Also, not once have you mentioned anything about the kind of society that we live. It is a goddamn patriarchal society and
and all those trashy examples of how men face sexism are actually because of that. Men face so called "sexism" because of prejudices held by other men. Also, fyi there is no such thing as a "male feminist". Yes, a man can be a supporter of feminism and an overall decent human being. But he is not a feminist. I would highly recommend that you give Audre Lorde's essays on feminism a read. It's not your fault that you're so
uninformed. Lastly, sorry to break this to you but this post is not about feminism and I don't think you're a feminist either. Read up on feminism to know what it truly means.
Whoa you got me all wrong. I said men aren't really attracted to cellulite. And I'm talking about the preference of men because I'm heterosexual and this article is from my point of view. I can't speak about how women prefer other women cos I wouldn't know anything about that. We do live in a patriarchal society and I have agreed to that haven't I? Feminism is about demanding equality, not superiority. I'm sorry if it hurt your sentiments in any way but I'm not fat shaming women. I myself am on the heavier side and have no qualms about being this way. But I also try to maintain a pragmatic view point if things. And please don't tell me whether I'm a feminist or not. Also, if you think I'm a terrible human being, you may keep thinking so. It doesn't really affect my life in any way. I wanted to clarify who a feminist is. There exists a notion that feminists hate men, all feminists are lesbians and more such rubbish. Also, there are male feminists. What the actual fuck. Of course there are male feminists. Anyway, have a nice day random citizen. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteVery well conveyed your thoughts in this manner.
ReplyDeleteI think your definition of feminism is more mature than most and I wish more so-called feminists would look at the bigger picture as you have.
ReplyDeleteThat said, as someone who lives in the CA Bay Area, which is a hub of feminism, my experience with the overwhelming majority of feminists is they meet your definition of "stupid feminist". For many, they simply hate men and have latched on to the local feminist culture because it's filled with other like-minded people. I think they forgot the core tenets of "equality" a long time ago.
Feminism seems to be just about power, or figuring out ways to twist one's own failures into the fault of "the patriarchy". Weight is a perfect example. Women and men who are grossly overweight are, to the majority of eyes, unattractive. It's a sign that the person lacks self-control and possibly even self-regard. Food can be an addiction like any other, but like any other addiction it's ultimately the responsibility of the addict to get help or exercise self-control.
Very few men and women I've known absolutely insist on "ideal" physiques. Most have a wide range of acceptability and it includes being "somewhat overweight". When someone allows themselves to fall so far off the spectrum that the vast majority of men and women no longer find them attractive, that's no one's fault but their own.
The obviously lopsided view of personal responsibility is just one reason most people dismiss feminism summarily. When they present a balanced examination of the problems, people will be willing to discuss solutions. When they say, "I'm fat, you're not attracted to me, it's your (men's) fault", they just come off as entitled brats who think they're owed physical attraction. (The counterpart for men are "involuntary celibates", and they're equally pathetic).
If feminism is about equality it would be looking at both sides of the equation, and nothing I've seen from avowed feminists says they're even interested in doing that.
I think your definition of feminism is more mature than most and I wish more so-called feminists would look at the bigger picture as you have.
ReplyDeleteThat said, as someone who lives in the CA Bay Area, which is a hub of feminism, my experience with the overwhelming majority of feminists is they meet your definition of "stupid feminist". For many, they simply hate men and have latched on to the local feminist culture because it's filled with other like-minded people. I think they forgot the core tenets of "equality" a long time ago.
Feminism seems to be just about power, or figuring out ways to twist one's own failures into the fault of "the patriarchy". Weight is a perfect example. Women and men who are grossly overweight are, to the majority of eyes, unattractive. It's a sign that the person lacks self-control and possibly even self-regard. Food can be an addiction like any other, but like any other addiction it's ultimately the responsibility of the addict to get help or exercise self-control.
Very few men and women I've known absolutely insist on "ideal" physiques. Most have a wide range of acceptability and it includes being "somewhat overweight". When someone allows themselves to fall so far off the spectrum that the vast majority of men and women no longer find them attractive, that's no one's fault but their own.
The obviously lopsided view of personal responsibility is just one reason most people dismiss feminism summarily. When they present a balanced examination of the problems, people will be willing to discuss solutions. When they say, "I'm fat, you're not attracted to me, it's your (men's) fault", they just come off as entitled brats who think they're owed physical attraction. (The counterpart for men are "involuntary celibates", and they're equally pathetic).
If feminism is about equality it would be looking at both sides of the equation, and nothing I've seen from avowed feminists says they're even interested in doing that.
Thank you so much! You understood exactly what I was trying to say and phrased it better that I was able to.
ReplyDeleteI really dislike it when idiots accuse me of fat shaming. So thanks, you made my day. :D